Incivility in the workplace takes many forms. It goes well beyond bullying. It usually involves words or actions that may seem inconsequential. In many cases, the person who commits the uncivilized act is not even aware that he or she has done so and probably did not do it intentionally. Yet, the action may be perceived by the person on the receiving end as an act of disrespect and changes the relationship between the two people in ways that are not conducive to effective teamwork and collaboration.
The other night I was reminded of why I am so passionate about building respect and civility in the workplace as a means to improve performance in the organization. I experienced something in a meeting that caused me to just shut down and not feel it was worth contributing anything else to the conversation. If this happened to me, a person professionally trained and experienced in dealing with these situations, imagine how magnified the reaction would be in many employees when faced with similar situations.
I was attending a meeting where one of the leaders in the organization was holding a discussion on the topic of harassment in the workplace. One of the activities involved reading some hypothetical situations and having the audience suggest if the situation described was harassment and, if so, what should be done about it.
Having a question, and depending on the answer a follow up comment, I raised my hand and asked the leader my question. The response I got was “That question is not germane to this discussion.” She then immediately went on to the next question,. When the next person thought that I had a legitimate point and offered a bit more information, the leader turned back to me and asked “Is that what you meant?”
Before I completed the first sentence of my reply, the leader turned her body at a 90 degree angle to me, flipped through papers on her podium, then began talking to someone off to her side. I never made it to the second sentence, stopped talking in the middle of the first sentence, and she never even noticed. She may have been looking for me to give a quick yes or no reply but I was entitled to take 30 seconds to explain the logic behind my query.
I am writing about this actual occurrence to make a point. I am not overly sensitive to these things. In my professional life, I have encountered all kinds of leaders and leadership styles. My point is that even with this experience I felt disrespected, that my input was not valued and that there was no reason for me to try contributing anything else to the conversation.
Thankfully I don’t have to deal with this person on a daily basis or as an immediate supervisor. But, the situation reinforced the value of what I do in my business. If I were a subordinate to this leader in an organizational team, I would not be an open, willing team player. Why should I be?
Leaders need to be aware of how their words and actions are perceived by others. I am pretty sure that the woman running this discussion had no idea she would elicit the response in me that she did. That is the sad part. How many other leaders “turn off” the people in their organizations without knowing it by what they say, how they say it, or their body language.
How sad that when I returned home and my wife asked me how the meeting was, my first response was “Regarding the woman running the discussion, who is in a leadership position of the organization, I respect her position in the organization but I have no respect for her as a leader.”
